A GIFT THAT DOESN'T NEED TO BE EXCHANGED

Admit it, you've been there (and you may have been there a few days ago). You receive a gift that makes you grimace -- an orange tie with purple stripes, perhaps, or a battery-operated radish peeler. You can't be impolite and say, "I don't like it. I want to exchange it." So what do you say?

Fortunately someone has come up with "The Top Ten Things to Say About a Christmas Gift You Don't Like":

10. Hey! Now there's a gift!

9. Well, well, well ...

8. What a shame! If I hadn't recently shot up 4 sizes, this would've fit.

7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

6. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

4. I love it -- but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

2. To think -- I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

1. "I really don't deserve this."

Whatever you say, you know you'll be standing in line at M & S for hours with everyone else who received gifts that were just as horrible.

There's a beautiful story in 2 Corinthians 8 about a gift that the churches of Macedonia gave to Paul to help out needy Christians in Jerusalem. It was a gift that Paul was reluctant to receive. Not because there was anything wrong with it. Quite the opposite -- it was a generous gift. Perhaps too generous. The Christians who gave it were not at all wealthy, so the gift seemed excessive.

"For I bear witness that according to their ability, yes, and beyond their ability, they were freely willing, imploring us with much urgency that we would receive the gift and the fellowship of the ministering to the saints." (2 Cor. 8:3-4)

The reason that their gift was so generous and so special, though, was because of another gift they had given: "And not only as we had hoped, but they first gave themselves to the Lord, and then to us by the will of God." (2 Cor. 8:5)

Want to give a gift that will never need to be exchanged? Give yourself wholeheartedly to the Lord. It's certain to be exactly what He wants this year!

Have a great day!

Alan Smith, Helen Street Church of Christ, Fayetteville, North Carolina

DON'T LET THE "GRAND OLD GRINCH" STEAL YOUR CHRISTMAS!

The "Grinch" is sure to bring grins and groans around Christmas time! Just a couple of Christmases ago, the classic, wonderful Dr. Seuss book, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," a traditional holiday TV movie, became a holiday smash hit, a theatre money-maker, with its accompanying gifts and merchandise...and grinches were everywhere! It was kinda fun-grand fun!

When all is said and done--and seen, there's one "grinch" I know who THINKS he's grand, ACTS like he's grand, and if you believe him, he will grandly take over your life--BIGTIME--stealing the precious gifts you've received from the Lord. He's the enemy of your soul. He'll steal the love, joy and peace of Christmas--and replace it with strife, sadness and stress--all too common at this time of the year.

Be on guard - let the Holy Spirit give you a discerning spirit so you won't be robbed of a REAL Christmas this year. Let's focus our full attention on Jesus Christ who came to fill our lives with eternal gifts that money cannot buy. Hold tightly to His love, joy and peace AND you'll still have plenty to give away. His gifts are without limit and without price (He's already paid it!)--and that's what Christmas is all about!

Believe it--don't let the "grand old grinch" get his grungy foot in your door--show him the GRAND EXIT--and have a great day!

Scripture: The thief cometh not but to steal, and to kill, and to destroy; I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly (John 10:10)."

Prayer: "Lord, in the hustle and bustle of Christmas preparation and
celebration, help me not to forget YOU--it's YOUR birthday, I know! I
want Your love, joy and peace to flood my heart in these busy, hectic
days; may I not give houseroom to the "grand grinch" who would steal
a REAL Christmas from me; help me to take time to honour and worship
You, the Prince of Peace, In Jesus' Name, Amen."

Copyright 2003 by Peggie Bohanon, Springfield, MO. All rights reserved.

Christmas

Here we are awaiting Christmas
Storing up our gifts and food
Spending lots of lovely money
Don't forget, we must include
Auntie Betty, Uncle Norman
Cards for all the chaps at work
Daren't miss out a single person
Mustn't be found out a jerk.

Whilst were stuffing all the turkey
Christmas pud helped down with wine
Slumping down in front of tele
Snoring through the pantomime
This is usual for the masses
Greed and gluttony abound
Whilst, outside, the homeless passes
Searching pavements for a pound.

Jesus Christ was born at Christmas
Sent to earth to save us all
Lived to serve all those around Him
Always perfect, standing tall
Helped the leper, healed the cripple
Underdog and down and out
Suffered greatly for His mercy
Hated by the men with clout.

So we must be all like Jesus
Following His every way
Showing love to all who need it
Living in His humble way
For He loves a cheerful giver
One who relegates himself
To the role of peoples servant
That is how we earn our wealth.

Mike Bullock

GIFT WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN

==========================

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas when the Three Wise Men: Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb went to see the baby Jesus; and according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact. . . . . . . .

. . . . .There is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth untohim, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than thefrankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:

1. They were wise.

2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion; this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said.

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.)

If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men.

That is why today I am presenting:GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN:*

Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. !!!!!! (HUH?)

* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?

YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!

YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.

YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!

YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.

YOU: I also got you some myrrh.

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

~(c) by Dave Barry~ http://www.mountainwings.com/